I've received a rather odd communication about the sort of websites which henceforth will be blocked at work. Obviously the usual suspects feature, but there are some specific elements which I find rather rum. For example, as of next week I will be unable to access sites about "LSD, heroine, cocaine, XTC, pot, amphetamines, hemp, stimulant drugs and the utilities for drug use (e.g. water pipes)." That seems rather harsh on XTC, a splendidly idiosyncratic band who produced an admirable body of work. And whilst I have established previously that I am not a great fan of mind-altering substances, if asked to name a top ten of utilities for drug use I can't say that water pipes would be amongst them. I thought it was mostly syringes and foil. The occasional teaspoon. Certainly nothing that requires cladding.

The paragraph prohibiting Erotic/Sex sites refers to those "containing nude photography and erotic material, as can be found on television or obtained free of charge from magazines". What magazines are those then? Free of charge? The Oxford Star is free of charge, but it's not big on nude photography and erotic material. It seems to be mostly adverts for car showrooms, and it's a very particular type of person that gets a sensuous buzz from hanging out on a rainy forecourt.

The Extreme paragraph prohibits "websites that are normally assigned to other categories, but are particularly extreme in their content". I'm somewhat bemused by that. Are they saying that I'm OK to access, for the sake of argument, a needlework website, but 'extreme' needlework - let's say Parachuting Embroidery - is unacceptable? ("Parachuting Embroidery", by a complete fluke, turns out to be a googlewhack - one of those searches which only returns one match. Although I wonder about the programmers behind Google when the listing informs me that it is displaying "Results 1-1 of about 3".) Even more confusing is the parenthesis - "(e.g. violence)". So I'm allowed to access violent websites, but not extremely violent ones. Where does one draw the line? I need some sort of framework here for when violence ends and extreme violence begins. It's a minefield (or possibly not, because those places can be pretty extreme themselves).

Other sites I can't look at any more include those relating to computer crime, credit card misuse, internet fraud, software cracks and illegal licence key generators (huh?), instructions for murder, manuals for bomb building and sodomy. I will also have to wave goodbye to the Westboro Baptist Church as I can't access sites dedicated to "extreme right and left wing groups, sexism, racism, religious hate, suppression of minorities and the belittlement of National Socialism". Run that one by me again? I can't belittle the Nazis? If there's a group in history which merits belittlement, surely it's them? I suspect that this e-mail may not have been written by an English person, and what they actually mean is sites which serve as apologia for the Nazis. Either that or I've somehow managed to get myself employed by a subsidiary of Odessa Inc.

My favourite bit of the e-mail is the line that says there is a process that can be followed in case you do need to access any of these sites for a genuine business reason. I wonder whether my explanation of my bona fide corporate need to visit www.buildyourownhandgrenade.com will stand up.