I've been thinking about the claim that amongst the persuasive inducements used on Islamic suicide bombers is the promise of an afterlife wherein their every whim is catered to by 72 virgins. I have to say, it's not an idea that really appeals to me. 72 virgins? 72 girls (or, heaven forbid, Ann Widdecombe types who could never get any) who don't know what they're doing? That's not something for which to blow yourself to smithereens. What you want is the promise of 72 relatively experienced women (what I believe the FHM generation have coarsely acronymed as MILFs) who have picked up a few tricks on the way. That would be a lot more of an incentive.

Although... 72 seems like an awful lot. Once you'd got the initial bout of hedonistic indulgence out of the way, I doubt whether any man of my age could happily manage more than twice a day. That means it would be over five weeks before the first of the 72 virgins (or similar) got round to seconds. I can't speak for womankind, so feel free to correct me here, but five weeks without seems like a long time to me. And that's if your suicide bomber keeps to a strict rotational system, which in itself would probably be difficult as you would doubtless have favourites whom you would, no pun intended, queue jump. It all seems like a recipe for bitterness, rivalry and acrimony to me. Eternity in the company of six dozen whinging women is not something I have in mind for myself.

Of course it's possible that the 72 virgins catering to your every whim are there not for mere carnal pleasures but for more prosaic, practical purposes. I really dislike cutting my toenails, and I can certainly see the appeal of having a virgin on hand to do that for me. I never seem to get on top of cataloguing my CD collection, but I'm sure a couple of dedicated virgins could sort that out in no time. I keep forgetting to re-felt the shed roof - dispatch virgins 37 and 52 at once. Perhaps Islamic suicide bombers are people who have just got themselves hopelessly disorganised, and who agree to detonate themselves on the understanding that in the hereafter, they need never compile another Jobs To Do list.