It's that highlight of the cultural calendar - yes, FHM's 100 Sexiest Women list has been announced. Putting aside the complex psychological issues involved in even contemplating such a subject (into which I have previously attempted to delve here), I am going to run down the Top 10 and see whether the readers of FHM have a clue what they're talking about.

10. Keira Knightley
Now, Keira is a lovely looking girl. Very pretty. But sexy? If I want the sort of sexiness Keira Knightley can supply I'll dress an ironing board in lingerie.

9. Angelina Jolie
Hard to argue with this one. Although she has a strange habit of fluctuating between drop-dead sexy and just funny looking. She is the FHM equivalent of Middlesbrough FC - you never know what to expect.

8. Hilary Duff
I am 40 years old and as such I don't know who Hilary Duff is. She was in something called Lizzie McGuire apparently. She's half my age and looks like just another of the vast American phalanx of homogeneous post-teen babes.

7. Cheryl Cole
Well, yes. Only number 7? Perhaps that's down to her impenetrably broad Geordie accent, which sounds like she must be exaggerating it for a laugh.

6. Scarlett Johansson
Hmm. See Angelina Jolie above. Jury definitely out.

5. Hayden Panettiere
Even though I am 40 years old I actually know who this is. Save the cheerleader, save the world. She's probably very nice looking but she's barely more than a schoolgirl so if it's all the same I'll just look away.

4. Elisha Cuthbert
Her fan club most have mobilised to get her in at number 4, given that she's hardly the biggest star in the world. And anyway, nobody can be truly sexy with the name Cuthbert.

3. Keeley Hazell
I gather this girl appears in FHM simply as someone to look at, rather than as a result of actually doing anything more worthwhile elsewhere. This is probably just an idiosyncracy of mine, but I find it hard to find sexy a woman who exists in the public consciousness for that reason alone. It seems to bring the vacuousness of gawping at pictures of women into sharp refrain. Next, quick, before I poke myself in the eye with a stick.

2. Jessica Alba
I don't really get the whole Jessica Alba thing. Too bland, too vacant. If she were permanently in Sin City mode, maybe.

1. Megan Fox
I haven't seen Transformers, but if there's a better reason to watch a film than this

Megan Fox

then I haven't seen it. Readers of FHM, for once, you did right.

Of course the big news on the FHM list is that Kirstie Allsopp - presenter of one of the 19,000 property based programmes on television - has been voted higher than Kate Moss. Quite why anyone is shocked that a proper, real woman with proper, real curves is deemed sexier than a drug-addled, nicotine-stinking scrawny old bag of bones I don't know, but it's certainly a step in the right direction.