I've been keeping half an eye on the Gavin Strachan weblog on the BBC Sport website. Gavin Strachan is what's known as - in fact he disarmingly uses the term of himself - a journeyman footballer, plying his trade unglamorously in the lower leagues year in year out. He's approaching the end of his career and has started studying journalism as a possible future career, given that footballers at his level need to continue to earn a living when they stop playing. It's a self-effacing read, devoid of bitterness about the way his career turned out and an interesting insight into the mundane reality of life as a professional at the bottom end of the game, where fortunes are certainly not to be made.

I thought of Strachan's blog when I happened across the website of Marcel Desailly - specifically the collections page thereof. What a smug tosser Desailly is. I'd put it down to him starting off about wine, which I've previously established as an area of pompous dilettantism that particularly makes my blood boil ("Everybody knows the Great Wines: Cheval Blanc, Haut Brion, Petrus… indisputably my favourite Bordeaux is the Haut Brion. This wine does not vary during the meal. It remains steady. What I still have to learn is if some wines should be decanted or not, according to their vintage year…"), but it gets worse. "In Italy, carrying a beautiful watch is akin to having mastered a certain art of living. Over there, the watch is very important, an essential accessory, alongside a beautiful pair of shoes." Wanker. Wanker wanker wanker. Explaining how significant a beautiful watch is by saying it's as important as a good pair of shoes, what an arse. Try spending half an hour living in the real world. "Today, I have a beautiful collection: well known makes such as Rolex or Cartier, and others less known by general public but much more prestigious, such as Frank Muller, Patek Philip and Bréguet." Yes, we're all ignorant scum Marcel. If only we were as learned as you and knew the names of obscure watchmakers. Maybe one day we can dream of learning the names of obscure cobblers too.

Just in case we weren't convinced as to the level of his self-importance, he continues "It is perhaps an ignored aspect of my personality, but I am a fanatic for table tennis." Sorry for ignoring that rivetting part of your personality Marcel. I was just too gripped by the wine and watches to devote myself to your table tennis fandom. I promise to try harder in future.